Moving

In class last week we talked about the relationship people have with touch based on location. This conversation was really interesting for me, because I come from California, where skin on skin contact is not as hard to come by. In class we discussed how people in colder weather don't touch as much as people in warming places. I experienced this first hand when I moved from California to Washington. I run a low temperature and so even when other people are in a tank top, I need a jacket. So, I ended up with almost no skin on skin contact for about a year and a half. This progressed for me to having a weird relationship with touch. I have never been one to initiate touching, but I know I like it once I trust the other person. The only touch I really got was from my friends back in California. I trust them very deeply, and cuddling with them seems normal. We have often slept in the same bed, or on trains, or cuddled for heat. Until recently, in Washington, I felt very isolated. While we were having that conversation in class I realized that that isolation was probably due to lack of skin on skin touch. I spent my first summer in Bellingham last summer, and therefore ended up with more skin on skin contact with people, which was really nice. Since the start of the warm weather I have noticed that I have been getting more skin on skin contact with my friends, and that has made this spring the best in Washington thus far.

The Vegas Nerve: Bodily Emotion

        Last week, we talked about the vegas nerve, or "wanderer" nerve. It touches all the internal organs, and is the link between emotions and our internal organs. It is the reason for the "gut reaction/ feeling" and "heart hurt." For me, this brought up a lot of thoughts about my own gut reaction, and my stress response. I feel like I have a fairly astute gut reaction. It may not be 100% right, but I always know when something is a little off. I didn't know previously, that this was a reaction that was controlled by the brain. I always thought it was intuition.

       There is a particular person, that I lived with last summer, that really hurt me. I struggled through the summer, on high stress. I felt constantly on edge, and this lead to anxiety. When he moved out, I immediately felt the difference in my body. Now, when I see him, I can feel that initial stress response. However, I also feel it in my stomach. Its that fight or flight feeling. It's the same feeling that I get when I see someone walking down the street towards me at night. I know that I am physically safe around him, but I have a hard time feeling emotionally safe, and this triggers a strong, bodily reaction. I think my body is extremely effected by my emotions. Learning about the vegas nerve helps me to understand why my body feels a certain way, even though sometimes I can't mentally put a finger on what I am feeling. I want to try to learn to listen to my body better, and through that understand my emotions. 

Interpersonal Touch: Body Map

       Our discussion of body maps and body image/ body awareness on Tuesday got me thinking about my own body map. I have always had a poor body image, that I know. However, I never been completely disconnected to my body, because I ride horses competitively. I brought this idea of feeling where your body is in space into my riding this week. I wonder how my body image and what it has done to my body map effects my riding. I generally think that I have a fairly good sense of my own body, but when we did the heartbeat counting, I was off by seven beats somehow. I also noticed my awareness of my own body in space during my yoga class. I realized that I have trouble telling when I am even, or when my hands are in line with my shoulders or feet in line with hips. I am constantly having to check the mirror to check my alignment. I have been told that I have similar problems when I ride. This is not something that I have any answers for right now, but need to continue to explore. My ability for introception is something I could work on. I am also interested in seeing how introception could effect a riders ability to sense their body and balance.
      The other thing that was sparked for me was this idea that we can read what is around us and that it creates a very physical sensation in our bodies. Personally, I feel like emotions very strongly in my body. I was never sure why. I have very intense, physical reactions to prolonged emotions. What we talked about in Thursday's class was very interesting. It makes a lot of sense to me that there is a nerve connecting everything, and sending signals throughout the body.